if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
