How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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