I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
