ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
