That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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