Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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