ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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