you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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