OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
