im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize