she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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