I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize