all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
