i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize