I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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