Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
