So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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