you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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