So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
