So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
