I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
