grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
