Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I still have a little drunk in my system
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
