I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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