if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
