Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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