i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
