I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize