best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
