anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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