did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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