Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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