Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
