Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
