i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Houston, we have a squirter
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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