Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
