Can i not drive my cunt home
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
