I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
