Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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