Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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