I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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