Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
