Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
