Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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