Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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