I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize