creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize