Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
