I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hippo gnu deer
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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