I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
