i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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