Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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