hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
