I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
