but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Operation Purity has been aborted
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
