I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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