he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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