seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
