I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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