I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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