it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
