I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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