Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
