It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
