Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
