I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
