Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
