Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
