good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
