hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
