Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
