Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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